Persy -- The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan

Life is acceptable.

 

Sure, things aren't great. Mary's father is gone, her mother sits by the gate staring into the Forest of Hands and Teeth waiting for some sign of her husband, and her childhood friend Harry is getting a bit too close. But the Unconsecrated are still safely beyond the gate, and the villagers are surviving. Mary still tells herself the stories of her mother, stories of a time before the Unconsecrated and a neverending ocean.

 

But then Mary's mother does see her husband -- and gets too close. She is infected in an instant, and condemned to death. By the time Mary's brother Jed gets back, it's too late to say goodbye. Their mother is shoved outside the gate to join the rest of the Unconsecrated.

 

Life is hard.

 

Now orphaned, Mary expects to be taken in by her brother Jed and his wife Beth, but Jed stonily tells her that she is to be taken in by the Sisterhood, the religious women who rule the village. Harry doesn't come through on his interrupted proposal, and, with nowhere else to go, Mary is forced into the Sisterhood, where her world starts to turn upside down.

 

First of all, Travis, Harry's brother, is injured and taken to the Cathedral to be looked after. Mary has always been in love with him, and she now finds it harder than ever to give up on him (he's engaged to Cass, Mary's best friend) when she sees him every night.

 

And, to top it all off, Mary discovers the impossible: a stranger has come from outside the fence. Does this mean that they are not the last survivors of humanity? That there is an end to the Unconsecrated and the Forest of Hands and Teeth? That her mother's stories weren't just nonsense, but true? Is there really an ocean out there, as she's always dreamed?

 

Life is unacceptable.

 

Mary begins to unwind the lies and mysteries surrounding the Sisterhood and the limping little village. But before she can get very far, the unthinkable happens: the gates are breached, and the Unconsecrated flood the village. Mary only barely survives along with Harry, Travis, Jed, Beth, Cass, a little boy named Jacob, and Mary's dog Argos. The group escape the village and start along one of the many fenced paths leading into the Forest. Mary is confident that there is something waiting for them, something better. Something free. The ocean.

 

I had mixed feelings about The Forest of Hands and Teeth. I've also been rather oblivious about it. When it first came out, I declared it uninteresting and so didn't put it very high on my to-read list. And then when I finally picked it up the other day, I realized it was about zombies. ILOVEZOMBIES. Buuuut then I saw some of the tags it had on various book websites: die-heroine-die, stupid-love-triangle... you get the picture. My excitement faded.

 

Ten pages in: dull dull dull dull Mary is such a stupid whinypants.

Ten - thirty pages in: hey, this is pretty good.

Thirty - one hundred pages in: ugh, Mary.

One hundred - end of book: AAAAAAAAAAAGH.

 

This is one of those books with terrible chars. They're all stupid in their own special way, and I can't help but wonder if they all had some actual mental problems. But then again, seeing as how they live in a post-apocalyptic zombie world, I'll cut them some slack. I doubt I'd have all my lightbulbs screwed in just right if I were in their situation.

 

But this is also one of those books that is just so tragic and well-written and realistic that it somehow ends up beautiful in my head. I closed the book with a sense of awe and shock, completely exhausted from the trip. Talk about a climax done zombie-style. I even sort of ended up liking Mary towards the end. She's still not exactly smart, but I can see her being awesome in a kind of Resident Evil-one-woman-against-the-zombie-horde way.

 

This review reminding you of another book? Life As We Knew It, for example? Yeah, the books are ridiculously similar. They both follow the basic plot of an apocalypse with a character who is incredibly dull and yet resourceful. None of the main chars are all that interesting (though "Forest" had the advantage of a dog; I'll put you out of your misery and give you a small spoiler: Argos survives the entire book), but the writing is spectacular, and for the last half of the book, it's impossible to stop reading. Both books are the first in a series, and both sequels are about different characters. Both main characters are female with names beginning with M. If Carrie Ryan and Susan Beth Pfeffer aren't already friends, they should definitely get together and see what other tragedies they can come up with. Can you imagine what would happen if they wrote a book together?

 

"Forest" definitely isn't for everyone. I don't expect it to become the next great classic or anything, but I still encourage you to give it a try, as long as you aren't too incensed by stupid main chars or too sensitive to mental and physical pain. Yikesies.

 

You might like this if you: like Life As We Knew It by Susan Beth Pfeffer; like apocalypse/futuristic stories; love zombies and therefore must read/see/listen to anything related to zombies; enjoy amazing, unique writing styles (if you can call it unique... let's just say Pfeffer and Ryan are the only two with it); or if you feel like your life is not enough and that there's something else waiting for you beyond a deadly forest. Perhaps this book can give you examples of the does and don'ts (DO practice archery. DON'T be indecisive about your one true love).

Arty -- Team Human by Justine Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan

Vampire romance, not really my thing.  Vampire romance parody... that I can handle.

And Team Human was a really good vampire romance parody.

Mel Duan is your average high school girl (albeit one with a spine, maybe too much of one for her own good) with average high school friends (even though she dated Ty and Cathy's sort of an airheaded literary freak and Anna's father supposedly ran away with a vampire).  Life is good for her... until vampire Francis shows up to go to high school.

Mel's first reaction is, Why does a 120-year-old vampire want to go to high school?

Her questions turn rather more serious, however, when her desperately romantic friend Cathy falls for Francis's pale, frigid... er, charm.  Staunchly Team Human, Mel decides she has to fight to free Cathy from herself.

Meanwhile, the questions about Anna's father and his supposed vampire elopement spark a mystery Mel takes it upon herself to solve.  This, along with Cathy's involvement with Francis and his 'shade,' or vampire family, brings her into way more vampire contact than Mel ever wanted.

Even knowing that this was supposed to be a parody, I went into Team Human very skeptically.  I mean, as soon as Francis came on the scene, I had about a million cynical views on how it would go.  Mel would fall in love with Francis, Mel would fall in love with another of Francis's friends, she teaches her vampire beau how to laugh and thus causes a worldwide vamp phenomenon...

Well, no, not really.

Team Human is, despite constant light-hearted fun and gentle genre-poking (Mel really does wonder why a 100+-old vamp would want to go to high school, and that question is answered), pretty realistic for a vamp novel.  No, it's not a scientific treatise on vampire biology, but it does feel more well-thought-out than a lot of such endeavors tend to be.  For example - a percentage of vamp turnings end in death.  Another percentage turn into mindless, slavering zombies (yes, there are also ZOMBIES in this book - it's awesome).  Also, vampires can't laugh.  They rarely smile.  And they're not cold - they're just... lukewarm.

Not exactly romantic.

But what really makes the book - as in most really good books - are the characters.  Mel is a great heroine - she's got a spine, like I said, and she's not afraid to use it... which does get her into a lot of trouble that she regrets and learns from.  She learns.  Cathy is... okay, well, I didn't like her much, but she was a good, developed character.  Anna and Ty were well-drawn, Francis was annoying but not over-the-top... and then the vampires in Francis's shade are awesome.  And then there's Kit.  I don't want to say too much about him (the surprises in the book are the best parts), but there's a line of his backstory that just... gave me shivers.  Showing that vamps, like humans, are not all good and not all evil.

The love story was surprisingly realistic, as well.  It was happy, but it wasn't - I, for one, still didn't agree with the choice made.  But it was realistic.  It showed that sometimes you have to trust your friends to live their own lives, even if you don't think they're right.  One great theme - respect. 

Storywise, I loved it, too.  The mystery was actually good.  I've noticed I'm pretty slow when it comes to mysteries, but the resolve came as a huge surprise.  I admit to shivering a little then, too.  It was just pretty... gut-wrenching.  After all the buildup, I should have seen it coming.  But I didn't.  And the emotional reaction was worth the stupidity.

So if one ever gets tired of sloppy, romance-centered vampire novels, look no further than Team Human, a refreshing parody/commentary of all the unrealistic vamp stuff out there for consumption.  One shall not be disappointed.

Persy -- Cast In Shadow by Michelle Sagara

Kaylin Neya has a past (don't we all?). But she's trying to forget it. Now, she tells herself, she is a Hawk, serving the land of Elantra. Hawks are the eyes and ears of Elantra, serving to maintain the peace along with the Swords and Wolves (it's complicated, I think... that or just badly explained in the book). But it's hard to escape your past when you've got strange powers that don't go along with anything the Mages understand, and when your arms are covered in strange markings.

It's also hard when the nightmare from your past appears, and you're supposed to work alongside him. And a Dragon. Yeah.

Okay, so it's hard to sum up this book with a dramatic, realistic tone, so let's try it this way: Kaylin grew up in the Fiefs, a basically lawless group of lands each ruled by a Fieflord. There, mysterious and terrifying killings began, and all the victims had the same markings as Kaylin. But when she was thirteen, she managed to escape into Elantra, where she began serving the empire by becoming a Hawk.

But then one day, she is assigned a new mission by the Hawklord to go back to the Nightshade, the fief where she grew up, to investigate the reappearance of the murders of marked children. And her two partners are Severn, the boy she grew up with in the Nightshade (who did something REALLY BAD, but we don't get to know what that was until halfway through the book, so I won't say anything), and Lord Tiamaris, a member of the Dragon Caste (they aren't fully explained until later in the book either, so... no spoilers). Supposedly, both Severn and Tiamaris have become Hawks, but Severn might as well be a criminal, and Dragons never become Hawks.

Hijinks ensue. Yeehaw.

Okay, I sound sarcastic, but I actually did enjoy Cast In Shadow. Well, mostly. I would've enjoyed it if the writing was...better. It felt very much like a rough draft, like it could've been amazing if Michelle Sagara had just gone over it a few times. There were random sentences in there that were probably put in for poeticness, but they just made things confusing and cluttered. On the other hand, most of the writing was un-cluttered. There wasn't nearly enough description, and I had to fill in most of the gaps with my imagination and hope I was close to the truth.

For instance... how the heck do they get from Elantra to the Fiefs? Everytime they'd go it seemed like they just walked over and it took about five minutes. If the Fiefs are lawless and so hard for the Dragon Emperor (who I think rules Elantra? It was hard to tell) to control, then shouldn't they be a little farther away than NEXT DOOR?

There's also a lot of chitchat, which seems to be how most of the explaining is done. Oftentimes, I couldn't tell who was speaking, either.

The characters are pretty cool though, for the most part. Lord Tiamaris is freakin' awesome. FREAKIN' AWESOME, I SAID!! *glomps him*

Ahem, anyway.

Severn is just okay. Bit of a cliché, but he pulls it off passably. Lord Nightshade (ruler of Nightshade) is pretty cool. And then we get to Kaylin Neya. Heh.

Basically, she's pretty darn stupid, but that makes her kind of endearing. I mean, everyone knows she's stupid, and I love how she's not one of the big shots at Hawk HQ. She's lowest of the low, always late, never proper, and never really knows what's going on. She failed pretty much every class in Hawk school, which gives everyone else the excuse to explain things to the reader.

Though sometimes, they don't explain. She'll say something stupid, and the other people will look at each other and go "You didn't tell her?" "Of course not." "Okay, let's leave it that way." and they'll just carry on with their lives. It gives the impression that Michelle Sagara hasn't really figured out the details yet.

Like I said, rough draft.

There are like, five more books in the Elantra series, so maybe she'll get around to explaining a few things. I'm hoping her writing gets better too. The second book is called Cast In Courtlight, which sounds absolutely stupid, but by "Court" they mean the Barrani High Court, so maybe it'll cool after all (the Barrani are one of the high races, along with the humans and Dragons and... other people I can't remember). Although with her stupidity, I don't see how Kaylin would last two seconds in a Court, much less a Barrani one.

--Persy

You might like this if you: like fantasy worlds like Poison Study (Maria V. Snyder) or Graceling (Kristin Cashore); are looking for a fantasy book that's not very typical; have a fondness for unattractive covers (I really don't like this cover, I'm sorry); if you like awesome Dragon people (WE LOVE YOU, TIAMARIS); or if you have a fondness for vampires, dragons, or zombies and want to read every single book that so much as mentions them.

Persy -- Generation Dead by Daniel Waters

For a while now, teenagers in America haven't been staying dead. Everywhere else in the world, no zombies have appeared, and not even America are there middle aged, juvenile, or senior citizens rising from the grave. And in Oakville, a surprisingly large number of "living impaired" have gathered.

Phoebe Kendall, though a goth, isn't a zombie. But her previous best friend, Colette, is. Also, Phoebe's getting more and more interested in Tommy, one of the quicker zombies who has high goals.

But though Phoebe and her two friends, Adam and Margi (both alive), are accepted into the undead circle and break down the walls of prejudice and fear, not everyone has. Tommy ambitiously tries out for the football team, where the coach and all his teammates (except Adam) try relentlessly to make him quit. More and more zombies are getting attacked and beaten just for existing. And by making friends with them, Phoebe has made herself a target.

Generation Dead, first in the series, is pretty darn amazing. Let's just put that right out there. It's realistic, gripping, intense, thought-provoking (you know how much I hate saying that). Though Phoebe's not the most amazing main character, she's certainly not the worst. Adam makes up for it, though, and while lots of the characters aren't strictly likeable, they're realistic and well rounded.

But what really makes this book a winner for me is the plot. It's not long before you're questioning everything the zombies say, shaking the book in an attempt to make Tommy talk, and practically tearing your eyes out wishing you could read faster. And the ending... I'm not giving a thing away, but let's just say I had to sit still for a while to absorb it. It took my breath away (heheh, like zombies? They don't breathe? Okay, anyway...). Not everyone can pull off that kind of 'explanation', but Daniel Waters did it admirably. I still can't wait to read the second book.

Even if you don't strictly like zombies, I'd reccommend this book. It's about zombies, but it's not about zombies, if you know what I mean. Five stars, Mr. Waters.

--Persy

Persy -- You Smell Dead by Chris P Flesh

Franklin Ripp is dead. He died in a horrible, embarrassing way, but the Narrator promised him he wouldn't tell anyone the details. But that's not the point. The point is, Franklin is dead, and he died right before he was going to accomplish so much. He and his friends had started a band, he was going to try out for the football team, and he'd just started working up the nerve to kiss Lilly Weezbrock. But then he died.

Luckily, the Afterlife Commission agrees to grant Franklin a second chance to kiss his girlfriend and find true love, but if he doesn't kiss her in less than a year, he'll be pulled back to the Afterlife and he won't get to try again. So, along with two of his underworld friends, Pretty and Scary, Franklin returns from the grave.

As a zombie. The Commission didn't mention that he'd have to dig his way out of his coffin. Or that he'd have to repeatedly glue various body parts back on. But those are minor details.

Now let's say a few things about Snickering Willows, Franklin's home before he died. A long time ago, Horatio Snickering III invented Mystery Meat, which was an instant sensation and made him rich. But he was scared that someone would learn the secret of his recipe, so he outlawed all questions in Snickering Willows. Ever since, no one has asked a question without terrible consequences. So, when Franklin returns from the grave, no questions are asked, and life goes on as before. Sort of. But Franklin's learned that questions can be very important, and can even make the difference between life and death.

A children's zombie book by Chris P Flesh. Need I really say more?

I'm going through this whole zombie phase (Resident Evil, Generation Dead, etc.) and then my sister comes and hands me this. Cutest. Thing. Ever.

The Narrator is a character himself, who tells you all about how he was banished from the International Order of Narrators, and how he's trying to get back in. Then there's Franklin, the adorable little boy (see illustrations). Pretty is a tentacled, multi-eyed monster from the underworld who is 'so pretty' and thinks the same of Franklin. Scary is a phantom monster who can change into anything, but is a bit timid on the inside. Then there's Sophie, Franklin's dog, who is strangely loveable even though she's not in much of the book. The whole thing is just terribly awesome and wonderfully precious, if you can use such a word to describe a zombie book.

...You definitely can.

You Smell Dead is the first book in the Pretty Freekin Scary series by Chris P Flesh, but that's pretty much all I've been able to find out. I can't find Chris P Flesh's real name, or any bio on her/him whatsoever. But with this talent, she/he should really keep writing.

--Persy