Arty -- Team Human by Justine Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan

Vampire romance, not really my thing.  Vampire romance parody... that I can handle.

And Team Human was a really good vampire romance parody.

Mel Duan is your average high school girl (albeit one with a spine, maybe too much of one for her own good) with average high school friends (even though she dated Ty and Cathy's sort of an airheaded literary freak and Anna's father supposedly ran away with a vampire).  Life is good for her... until vampire Francis shows up to go to high school.

Mel's first reaction is, Why does a 120-year-old vampire want to go to high school?

Her questions turn rather more serious, however, when her desperately romantic friend Cathy falls for Francis's pale, frigid... er, charm.  Staunchly Team Human, Mel decides she has to fight to free Cathy from herself.

Meanwhile, the questions about Anna's father and his supposed vampire elopement spark a mystery Mel takes it upon herself to solve.  This, along with Cathy's involvement with Francis and his 'shade,' or vampire family, brings her into way more vampire contact than Mel ever wanted.

Even knowing that this was supposed to be a parody, I went into Team Human very skeptically.  I mean, as soon as Francis came on the scene, I had about a million cynical views on how it would go.  Mel would fall in love with Francis, Mel would fall in love with another of Francis's friends, she teaches her vampire beau how to laugh and thus causes a worldwide vamp phenomenon...

Well, no, not really.

Team Human is, despite constant light-hearted fun and gentle genre-poking (Mel really does wonder why a 100+-old vamp would want to go to high school, and that question is answered), pretty realistic for a vamp novel.  No, it's not a scientific treatise on vampire biology, but it does feel more well-thought-out than a lot of such endeavors tend to be.  For example - a percentage of vamp turnings end in death.  Another percentage turn into mindless, slavering zombies (yes, there are also ZOMBIES in this book - it's awesome).  Also, vampires can't laugh.  They rarely smile.  And they're not cold - they're just... lukewarm.

Not exactly romantic.

But what really makes the book - as in most really good books - are the characters.  Mel is a great heroine - she's got a spine, like I said, and she's not afraid to use it... which does get her into a lot of trouble that she regrets and learns from.  She learns.  Cathy is... okay, well, I didn't like her much, but she was a good, developed character.  Anna and Ty were well-drawn, Francis was annoying but not over-the-top... and then the vampires in Francis's shade are awesome.  And then there's Kit.  I don't want to say too much about him (the surprises in the book are the best parts), but there's a line of his backstory that just... gave me shivers.  Showing that vamps, like humans, are not all good and not all evil.

The love story was surprisingly realistic, as well.  It was happy, but it wasn't - I, for one, still didn't agree with the choice made.  But it was realistic.  It showed that sometimes you have to trust your friends to live their own lives, even if you don't think they're right.  One great theme - respect. 

Storywise, I loved it, too.  The mystery was actually good.  I've noticed I'm pretty slow when it comes to mysteries, but the resolve came as a huge surprise.  I admit to shivering a little then, too.  It was just pretty... gut-wrenching.  After all the buildup, I should have seen it coming.  But I didn't.  And the emotional reaction was worth the stupidity.

So if one ever gets tired of sloppy, romance-centered vampire novels, look no further than Team Human, a refreshing parody/commentary of all the unrealistic vamp stuff out there for consumption.  One shall not be disappointed.

Persy -- The Demon's Lexicon by Sarah Rees Brennan

Nick and Alan Ryves's life is one of constant motion. They never stay long in one place, have to always be ready to fight, and have to keep from getting into too much trouble just being them. Oh, and there's Olivia, their crazy mum. They have to look after her, too.

Many years ago, Olivia stole a powerful charm from one of the evil magicians (all magicians are evil, btw), Black Arthur. Ever since, Black Arthur (and just about every other magician) has been chasing them around the country, trying to get it back. And Olivia can't give it back, because it is now the only thing keeping her alive.

Nick wouldn't have a problem with his mum's death. Olivia can't stand the sight of Nick, and Nick can't stand the sight of her. But Alan cares about Olivia, so Nick won't let anything happen to their mum. Alan's the only person Nick cares about.

It's not a bad life. That is to say, they've gotten used to it. But everything goes topsy turvy when siblings Mae and Jamie Crawford come to them for help. A demon has been visiting Jamie, and he now has two demon marks on him, which means there's no hope. Nick tells them Jamie's death is now enevitable, and he's ready to move on. But Alan wants to help, and they end up getting into a whole mess of trouble.

From the very start I hated this book. It felt a bit too...written, if that makes any sense. None of the characters feel real, like someone you might meet on the street. They feel like characters. And then there's their characters. Let's start with Alan and Nick. Nick is always, always, always angry. He's the absolute extreme of teenage angry. Alan, on the other hand, is always, always, always nice and sympathetic and loves everybody. He's the absolute extreme of friendly love and happiness. Or something. Mae is just kind of there to have a girl character, and you can tell that Sarah Rees Brennan tried to make her interesting (pink hair, odd fashion sense, likes magic stuff), but it just didn't work. Mae is just there. Jamie is definitely my favorite character. He's kind of awkward and funny in a nerdy kind of way, and when he and Nick are stuck together things are always funny.

There were many, many times where I almost put down the book. I'd flip forward some, glimpse a mildly interesting paragraph, and then just keep reading in the hopes something got better. And then when I read the first half of the book in about an hour, I figured I might as well just finish it.

I've never been so irritated to find an author who writes well.

Turns out, there is an explanation for everything (well, mostly everything). There's a reason Nick is so, so, so angry all the freakin' time, anyway. Not much about Alan's lovey dovey-ness, but oh well.

I'm not going to tell you what the explanation is, because that would be ruining the most amazing plot twist ever. So, unfortunately, I'm going to have to recommend that you read this book, because it turns out Sarah Rees Brennan does kind of know what she's doing after all. Sigh.

The ending almost makes up for the rest of it, because it was a very good ending. And you know how I feel about endings: a good finale will make up for almost anything else you do. But I still can't quite like any of the characters, or even the world in general. But that one plot twist...*sigh*.

So this is obviously a very mixed review. Hated it almost the entire time I was reading it, but...GAAH. I hardly ever find a plot twist I don't see coming, so now that I've found one that actually makes perfect twist and took me completely by surprise, I can't help but respect and admire the book and writer who pulled it off. So venture into The Demon's Lexicon at your own risk.

--Persy