Persy -- The Highlander's Touch by Karen Marie Moning

Here's the thing, Karen Marie Moning: you write a story in which time travel plays a significant part, and I'm GONNA be harsh.

This is actually the third book in Karen Marie Moning's historical romance Highlander series, but you don't have to read them in order, so don't worry about spoilers for other books. However, if you don't know the standard plot to a romance novel and/or don't mind discovering one or two minor plot surprises, you might not want to read this review.

Lisa Stone is working two jobs, struggling to support her cancer-ridden mother. Her father died long ago, and now she's all Catherine, her mother, has. She works as a night maid for a museum, and one night she happens upon a mysterious artifact and... well, touches it. She is instantly transported back in time to the Scottish highlands... where she comes face to face with Circenn Brodie, a deadly man who is a stickler for rules. But will his unquenchable love for Lisa cause him to break . . . every . . . single . . . rule?

Sorry, I get super dramatic when I review romance novels. Dunno why.

Let's start way back in the Prologue. Circenn curses a flask so that once it is touched it will be transported back to him, effectively returning the lost flask. Unfortunately, it will also return whoever touches the flask. Adam gets pissy and makes Circen swear to kill the bearer of the flask to protect all the secrets, or whatever. After a lot of arguing, Circenn makes the oath. But here's the thing: Circenn swears to kill the MAN who touches the flask. MAN. MALE. Guess who brings the flask? Right. A woman. I totally expected this to be the loophole. And it would've worked SO WELL because Adam knew who would pick up the flask, and Adam didn't actually want her dead, and even if Circenn forgot he said man, Adam could've been all, "Remember, you swore to kill the MAN. AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA."

But that's not what happened. Oh well.

Moving on. I don't see what the big deal is about Circenn being immortal. I mean, yeah, I get not wanting to curse anyone else with immortality, but still. Do you have any idea how much trouble would've been saved by him just spilling the beans? "Oh, Lisa, your mother is going to die alone in the future? WAIT, I'm IMMORTAL. I promise to seek her out and take care of her. Heck, I'll even throw my sexy bod into the equation."

But that solution never occurred to anyone. Whatever.

Moving on. Perhaps this is a small detail, but it seriously bugs me. The longer Lisa spends in the past, the more upset she gets because every day she spends there is a day her mother is alone. But... she's not on another planet. She's in the past. So if she were to find some sort of way to time travel... she could just travel back to the moment she left.

But maybe I'm just being nitpicky about time travel.

But now that we're on the subject, the ending. Oh. my. gosh. the. ending. Romance novels are notorious for magical, happily ever afters, but THIS? SERIOUSLY? You are taking it TOO FAR, here! You can't just DO THAT.

There are also some absolutely random parts that I don't understand. There's the stereotypical best friend Ruby, who gets left behind in the modern day world. She has a total of two scenes, and afterwards she's sometimes referenced but never more than to explain away bits of knowledge or clothing that Lisa possesses. There is never any sign that Lisa misses her best friend. But this isn't a major issue.

What strikes me as REALLY odd is the redhead who snubs Duncan. I mean, what the crap? She and her brother hint at some malicious intent and there's the insinuation that they're even lying about their names. Moning goes into such detail about her appearance and the scene seems so dadgummed important... and then she disappears completely. Maybe it's a reference to another book in the series? I don't know. But it's just plain weird.

And my final irritation... the first time Circenn sees her in her undies, she says that he caught her in the one fancy pair of underpants she happens to own: a set of lacy lavender lingerie. The ONE pair she owns. But then at the very end, she rushes to get dressed and we find out later that she is now wearing a set of lacy PINK lingerie. What.

Oh wait. Of course. Of COURSE she'd have more lacy lingerie, because THEY CHANGED THE EFFING FUTURE. Naturally, that would result in her having more pairs of flirty underpants.

All that aside... I mean, the characters weren't bad. I guess. I didn't think the book was too awful until I started writing a review of it. Let's be honest, this isn't much of a review... more like a rant. But I can't think of anything so awe-inspiringly brilliant that it would make up for all of my little pet peeves that showed up in the book. I swear, when I was actually reading it, it wasn't awful.

But she messed with time travel. How can you expect me to not be harsh?

--Persy

You might like this if you: just really like historical romances; like time travel, but don't like it when it's complicated; have an afternoon to kill and don't want anything serious; or if you work as a night maid in a museum and wonder what would happen if you inspected all the artifacts yourself. That's right, bad stuff would happen. Don't do it.

Persy -- Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles

Y'all should be proud. Because even though I just spent my first night in a college dormroom and I've been way too busy the past few weeks to read a reviewable novel... I'm bringing you an ontime review. Shazam.

 

All Brittany wants to do her senior year is maintain the perfect life others see: the clothes, the grades, the cheerleader, the boyfriend. What they don't know is that Brittany struggles to take care of her autistic sister and deal with her distant parents.

 

But her first day goes ominously bad. She accidentally amost runs over Alex Fuentes, the toughest guy in school, and then finds out she has to be his partner in chemistry. Yikes.

 

Meanwhile, Alex is just trying to take care of his brothers and his mom and protect them from the gangs by being in one of the gangs. But when a bet is placed over Brittany's virginity, his world gets a little more complicated...
 

I was expecting to either hate the book and quit within the first five chapters or find a surprising new favorite. I actually did neither. My first impression was that Simone Elkeles is trying pretty hard, and almost has really good writing. Instead, it's just pretty good. The best thing this book has going for it is that it's real easy to read quickly, so the 350 pages goes by in a breeze. If it didn't, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have finished the novel. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a r...more I was expecting to either hate the book and quit within the first five chapters or find a surprising new favorite. I did neither. My first impression was that Simone Elkeles is trying pretty hard, and almost has really good writing. Instead, it's just pretty good. The best thing this book has going for it is that it's real easy to read quickly, so the 350 pages goes by in a breeze. If it didn't, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have finished the novel. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a retelling of Romeo and Juliet or not, but it basically is. So I might consider excusing the stupidity and hopelessness of Brittany, the heroine. She's kinda... boring and... silly and... impetuous, in a weird kind of way. I'm honestly not sure what her personality is supposed to be. Alex is a little better, but he's also very dramatic and I can't see why he's so in love with Brittany.   I personally like Alex and Shelley, but whatever.   And then Mrs. Peterson is really cool. In fact, she's probably my favorite character. But whatever.   Y'know what's really silly? The epilogue. I mean, I guess it's kind of cute in a weird kind of way, but it's also just... silly. Sorry.   Overall it's not a bad book, but I certainly wouldn't reread it and I don't think I'm even going to continue the series (the second book is about Alex's little brother and the love he finds in an unexpected place!).   --Persy   You might like this if you: like shallow romance; like Romeo and Juliet; like high school romance; like forbidden romance; or if you yourself are shallow, in high school, and are involved in a forbidden romance.



Arty -- Team Human by Justine Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan

Vampire romance, not really my thing.  Vampire romance parody... that I can handle.

And Team Human was a really good vampire romance parody.

Mel Duan is your average high school girl (albeit one with a spine, maybe too much of one for her own good) with average high school friends (even though she dated Ty and Cathy's sort of an airheaded literary freak and Anna's father supposedly ran away with a vampire).  Life is good for her... until vampire Francis shows up to go to high school.

Mel's first reaction is, Why does a 120-year-old vampire want to go to high school?

Her questions turn rather more serious, however, when her desperately romantic friend Cathy falls for Francis's pale, frigid... er, charm.  Staunchly Team Human, Mel decides she has to fight to free Cathy from herself.

Meanwhile, the questions about Anna's father and his supposed vampire elopement spark a mystery Mel takes it upon herself to solve.  This, along with Cathy's involvement with Francis and his 'shade,' or vampire family, brings her into way more vampire contact than Mel ever wanted.

Even knowing that this was supposed to be a parody, I went into Team Human very skeptically.  I mean, as soon as Francis came on the scene, I had about a million cynical views on how it would go.  Mel would fall in love with Francis, Mel would fall in love with another of Francis's friends, she teaches her vampire beau how to laugh and thus causes a worldwide vamp phenomenon...

Well, no, not really.

Team Human is, despite constant light-hearted fun and gentle genre-poking (Mel really does wonder why a 100+-old vamp would want to go to high school, and that question is answered), pretty realistic for a vamp novel.  No, it's not a scientific treatise on vampire biology, but it does feel more well-thought-out than a lot of such endeavors tend to be.  For example - a percentage of vamp turnings end in death.  Another percentage turn into mindless, slavering zombies (yes, there are also ZOMBIES in this book - it's awesome).  Also, vampires can't laugh.  They rarely smile.  And they're not cold - they're just... lukewarm.

Not exactly romantic.

But what really makes the book - as in most really good books - are the characters.  Mel is a great heroine - she's got a spine, like I said, and she's not afraid to use it... which does get her into a lot of trouble that she regrets and learns from.  She learns.  Cathy is... okay, well, I didn't like her much, but she was a good, developed character.  Anna and Ty were well-drawn, Francis was annoying but not over-the-top... and then the vampires in Francis's shade are awesome.  And then there's Kit.  I don't want to say too much about him (the surprises in the book are the best parts), but there's a line of his backstory that just... gave me shivers.  Showing that vamps, like humans, are not all good and not all evil.

The love story was surprisingly realistic, as well.  It was happy, but it wasn't - I, for one, still didn't agree with the choice made.  But it was realistic.  It showed that sometimes you have to trust your friends to live their own lives, even if you don't think they're right.  One great theme - respect. 

Storywise, I loved it, too.  The mystery was actually good.  I've noticed I'm pretty slow when it comes to mysteries, but the resolve came as a huge surprise.  I admit to shivering a little then, too.  It was just pretty... gut-wrenching.  After all the buildup, I should have seen it coming.  But I didn't.  And the emotional reaction was worth the stupidity.

So if one ever gets tired of sloppy, romance-centered vampire novels, look no further than Team Human, a refreshing parody/commentary of all the unrealistic vamp stuff out there for consumption.  One shall not be disappointed.

Persy -- Born of Shadows by Sherrilyn Kenyon

That awkward moment when you haven't read anything since the last book you reviewed...

 

I considered trying to do something clever to get out of writing a review, like declaring today a new literary holiday that required an extra special post or something like that, buuuuut... I'm too tired to be clever, so I figured I'd just continue my little Sherrilyn Kenyon series by reviewing book four in the League series, Born of Shadows. You can read my reviews of the first three books here: "Night", "Fire", "Ice".

 

Caillen Dagan is a master smuggler struggling to survive and keep his three sisters out of trouble. He's managed quite well so far, but finally Kasen gets him in the deepest water ever, and he is captured and sentenced for execution. But before the axe can drop, his DNA test sends up red flags and before he knows it, he's declared the long lost heir to the Garvon and Exeter systems, and the only son of Emperor Evzen.

 

As if adjusting to his newfound royalty wasn't bad enough, he runs into Desideria, the daughter of the Quillac queen. The duo fall right into the trap of a mystery criminal and are accused of crimes that not even Caillen's committed. They have no choice but to rely on each other as they try to stop the true criminal before Caillen's father and Desideria's mother are assassinated.

 

What I like about "Shadows" is that the plot is a bit deeper and the romance a little less important. Don't get me wrong, it's definitely still around, but it's a bit less lustful and sudden than the romance in the previous three books. Caillen and Desideria spend more time getting to know each other than making out.

 

This book also introduces Fain Hauk, brother of Dancer Hauk who has appeared in several of the other League books. Fain is a bit less empathetic, a bit more sarcastic, and a lot more interesting than his younger brother, especially when you add in the whole space pirate thing. I think Hauk's getting his own book pretty soon, but I'm still holding out for Fain to get the spotlight.

 

As for the main characters, Caillen's pretty cool. I've always liked him, so getting a book all about him is nice. Desideria's not bad either, though a little... naive, perhaps. But that's kind of a requirement for heroines in Kenyon novels.

 

The plot is far more complex than the other League books, with lots of space politics. Kenyon doesn't try to put too much science in it either, which is good since I don't think she bothers to check if she's right when she does. It's a nice balance, but the ending kind of stumbles along to a happily ever after (which is also a requirement for Kenyon novels). It's a very forced happily ever after, but I guess perfection is too much to ask from a romance novel.

 

Sometimes it's hard to classify the League series as science fiction. Sigh.

 

"Shadows" is definitely better than "Ice", which was a bit of a flop in all areas, but for me at least, it doesn't hold quite as much appeal as the first couple of League books. Perhaps the plot is just getting old. Ah, well, no book infatuation lasts forever. Except for The Boxcar Children. And Harry Potter. And The Prophecy of the Stones. Maybe I should just stop there.

 

--Persy

 

You might like this if you: like romance, but not too much; like science fiction, but not too much; have already read the other League novels and are thirsty for more; need a quick guilty pleasure read; or if you suddenly discover you're a long-lost prince and you don't know what to do with yourself.

Persy -- Born of Ice by Sherrilyn Kenyon

You may remember my reviews of the first two books in Sherrilyn Kenyon's League series: Born of Night and Born of Fire. You may remember how much I love these books. I mean, it's not like I rave about them all the time or anything.

Unfortunately, book #3, Born of Ice doesn't quite live up to the first two books. Sure, the more you read any Kenyon books and the less amazing they are, but even the first time through, "Ice" wasn't overly impressive. But I still love it.

Devyn Kell is the son of Shahara and Syn (see Born of Fire), and a runner (similar to a smuggler, but not quite). He used to work as a army medic, but effectively "resigned" when he turned against his own unit in order to save a ten-year-old boy (Omari, who becomes Devyn's adopted son). And then there's Devyn's ex-fiancée, who mortally injured Devyn years ago, leaving him with a dangerous heart condition.

Alix is a slave. After her father/owner dies, a man named Merjack gets a hold of her and decides to use her to get back at Devyn's family. Y'see, Alix bears a startling resemblance to Devyn's ex-fiancée. So Alix joins Devyn's crew as the engineer. Even in the beginning, she doesn't want to take down Devyn, but it becomes harder and harder as she falls deeper and deeper... IN LOVE!!!

I'm going to go right out and say it. Devyn and Alix are both pretty stupid. I don't really care about either of them. And let's face it: the plot of "Ice" is pretty basic too, and not at all interesting. I get the feeling Kenyon didn't spend a lot of time editing this book, because it just isn't too awesome compared to the other books in the series.

And don't get me started on Kenyon's all time favorite line. "And in that instant, she/he knew insert-obvious-fact-of-life-here." She used it a few times in her other books, but she really goes overboard in "Ice". It gets a leetle ridiculous.

It would also be very confusing for people who haven't read books #1, #2, and #4 (possibly #5, but I haven't read that yet, so I don't know if it makes things clearer or not). It seems like every single character ever named in the League series had about fifteen children, and they're all in Born of Ice. It gets very hard to keep track of them.

The only things that save this book are Vik and Omari. Vik first appeared in "Fire", and he's only gotten better since then. I have a soft spot for snarky robots. And then Omari is just cute.

So...basically it's not a very well-written book. But! The first time through is as captivating as ever, and I mean... VIK!! He makes it all okay.

By the way, we're over halfway into RAMFAP month...how are y'all doing? Better than I am, I hope... That's all I'm gonna say.

--Persy

You might like this if you: like dramatic romances with stupid main characters; improbably spaceship chase scenes; tortured characters; or just the other books in Sherrilyn Kenyon's League series.

Persy -- I Am Here! Vol. 1 by Ema Toyama

I have this unwritten rule for myself that I don't review manga or graphic novels, because I can't help but feel like I'm not qualified. But why shouldn't I be? I'm going to DO IT! (in other words, I don't feel like putting the effort into writing an actually coherent review about a book, and would rather gush incoherently about something else).

Hikage Sumino is not just an introvert, and she's not even all that shy. She's just invisible. She often gets counted off as absent because the teachers don't notice her, and no one ever gets her name right. She's okay with it, though, because she has her internert friends, "Black Rabbit" and "Mega Pig," that always comment on her blog.

But then one day, one of the most popular guys at school talks to her -- and knows her name! Realizing her chance, Sumino begins to try and step out of the shade into the sunlight, but it's not as easy as it sounds.

I picked this up on a complete whim (wanna know the full story? Watch the video). After flipping through it and falling in love with the artwork, I bought it, took it home, and tried to resist the temptation to read it immediately. I got one or two lessons of geometry done before I gave in and read all 404 pages. I am so glad I picked it up, because I think it's going to become one of my favorites.

It's the cutest thing ever (except maybe The One And Only Ivan), with absolutely beautiful art. That's one of my main requirements for a good manga (or anime, for that matter): lovely artwork. I'm not a huge fan of the goofy style; I like prettiness. And that's one thing I Am Here! has.

Also, the characters themselves are adorable. Sumino can be painfully shy without being painfully annoying, and I can even sympathize with her and cheer her on. Black Rabbit and Mega Pig are also fun and each have a distinctive voice, and Teru and Hinata (the two popular boys) are both pretty cool and pretty darn cute.

I Am Here! may not be the most original school life manga, but it's definitely got something, and I'm definitely hooked to it (now I just need to find the second volume for cheaper than eighteen dollars, 'cause that's ridiculous).

--Persy

You might like this if you: like shoujo, school life manga or anime; like pretty art or cute characters; need an uplifting little story to cheer you up or keep you going; or if you're invisible and need a few pointers (though you're on your own for the whole getting-the-popular-guy-to-talk-to-you-first thing).



Persy -- The Dark Divine by Bree Despain

Grace Divine, daughter of the local pastor, sister of the handsomest (and nicest) guy in school, and the girl with unanswered questions. Like, what happened all those years ago when her brother Jude came home covered in blood and Daniel Kalbi completely disappeared?

By the way, Daniel used to be their next door neighbor and they were best friends growing up. Then Daniel lived with them for a few months after his dad disappeared. Then Daniel disappeared.

Grace used to ask her brother what happened. She used to bring up the topic with her family. But no one said anything, so they settled into silence. Because that's the way the Divine family is: they don't discuss the past and they don't discuss their problems, not even with each other.

Then comes the day when Daniel reappears, sitting at a desk in school with a completely new look and strange new powers. At first Grace is determined to find out what's going on, but does she really want to know?

It seems like she doesn't have any idea, because she's constantly changing her mind throughout the entire book. I swear, sometimes the girl has no curiosity. Though I have to say, she is pretty smart. After all, the smart thing to do is stay away from the dangerous teenage boy who seems to be in love with you but has dark powers and tells you to stay away (I'm looking at you, Bella Swan). So yeah, Grace follows her common sense and stays away every once in a while, but she's so bipolar that it doesn't last long.

Plus she's probably the most naive teenage girl ever. Boy does she have her stupid moments.

In the beginning (and actually, throughout the whole book), I was a little irritated with Bree Despain's vision of a Christian family. But as the story continues, Grace is made aware of the fact that her family has issues, so it's not that they're just being "good Christians," so I felt a little better after that.

The way the book is written is also a little annoying. It's mostly flashbacks, which do help to tell the story in the right order (kind of...?), but can be very cumbersome. In fact, lots of the scenes, both in the present and the past, just feel cumbersome. You could probably take out a hundred pages or so (or at least summarize them), and you'd still have the same story, just moving a little quicker.

And maybe if Grace would stop changing her frickin' mind.

One thing I really do like about The Dark Divine is the werewolves. Nowhere on the back of the book or the inside or in any summary anywhere does it mention the werewolves, but I'm going to give you a little spoiler and tell you that there are some. And they're very cool werewolves. It is not every day you read a Christian werewolf novel that somehow, inexplicably pulls it off.

Another pleasant surprise is the horror aspect. There were times when I really didn't want to put the book down because I couldn't wait to find out what happened next and I had a tingling at the back of my neck. Unfortunately, the tingling dissipated fairly quickly.

The twist ending is also very well done, but it would've been better if it had actually ended there. Ugh, how I hate happy little epilogues. They ruin the whole tone of the book (unless you're reading a happy little novel, in which case, it's perfectly fine).

So I have very mixed feelings about this book. Some of it, like the werewolves, is very good. Other parts, like Grace, make me groan. But it's surprisingly good, and I find myself recommending it despite the idiot main character. I don't expect much at all from the second book (The Lost Saint, oooh, sounds amazing), but the first one is worth a look.

--Persy

You might like this if you: have always wanted to read a Christian werewolf book; are looking for a new take on werewolves; or if you just have nothing else to read. Okay, so I might be struggling to find reasons to like this now.

Arty -- Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen

I hate romance books (generally). I love Wendelin Van Draanen (of Sammy Keyes fame). What do you get when you put them together?

ABSOLUTE AWESOME.

Sorry about the caps. I get excited about this book.

The first time Juli Baker saw Bryce Loski, she fell head over heels in love with his beautiful blue eyes. The first time Bryce saw Juli, he fell in love with staying away from the over-enthusiastic, way-too-intelligent girl. And even though his mother tries to convince him otherwise, Bryce wants nothing to do with Juli. After all, what self-respecting seven-year-old wants to play soccer with a girl?

So Juli spends her elementary and middle-school years not-so-secretly in love with Bryce; Bryce spends his elementary and middle-school years not-so-secretly terrified of Juli. But somewhere in eighth grade, things change.

For Juli, she falls out of love with Bryce. For Bryce... well, maybe he's not in love with her, but he's curious. So what happens when things get flipped?

I love this book. It's hilarious, real, and well-written. And I liked the 'couple,' though whether eighth-graders can be considered a couple is questionable. They were amazing - together and apart. I was cheering for them all the way, maybe because I understood them both - Van Draanen writes the same event for each character in their own chapter, letting the reader see both sides of the story.

Juli is one of those girls I generally despise, especially as a love interest - manically cheerful, very intelligent, and 'thoughtful.' These usually turn out to be Mary Sues. And while Juli sometimes felt a bit Sueish, she was never unlikable. She had her failings. Bryce, on the other hand, had plenty of faults, yet managed to be completely adorable. As a quieter person, I totally understood why Juli freaked him out.

The Baker family and the Loski family were polar opposites, yet both believable. Both had their pros and cons. Sometimes it was painful to read about both of them. But - and here I have to commend Van Draanen - I loved how open Juli was about her love for her parents. And they were great parents. I'm so tired of characters who hate their parents for no reason. Juli (and Bryce, actually) break that tiresome model.

And let's not forget the subplots that run through the book. Rarely confused, always needed, and very often hilarious - Juli's chickens almost made me want to start raising them, and the Basket Boy sale was awesome.

In short, this is the way romance was meant to be written. No one's perfect, hard work is a given, and romance isn't the only thing on the characters' minds. Wendelin Van Draanen strikes again. Read it.

Wednesday (Almost) Scrolls - Best And Worst of November, 2011

Arty here. Well, how was your Thanksgiving? Awesome, I hope. Personally, I ate way too much. But then that goes without saying.

Anyway, it's time to evaluate our reading months.

In the month of November, I read 19 books and one manga.

Best November Book: Oh, so The Book Thief. I read it in about five days (I'm a busy girl) and completely abandoned everything else to finish this awesome work. I almost cried at the end. Read it - I can't summarize it. Just read it.

Honorable Mention: I read a lot of good books this month. I think the second best one, on purely entertainment purposes, was How To Break A Dragon's Heart by Cressida Cowell. Notice that this series has made it onto both of my Honorable Mentions? Because this series is like ICE CREAM, PEOPLE. It's just insanely fun. And Alvin is the BEST VILLAIN EVAR.

Worst November Book: Particularly Cats by Doris Lessing. Nonfiction about, of course, cats. Didn't realize it was quite so... realistic. Not my cup of tea.

Dishonorable Mention: Jade Green by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. Historical mystery/ghost story... thing. Just strange, though it does have the unique privilege of grossing me out. Not much grosses me out.

Arty

'Ello, Chaps! Persy's here! That was my British accent, in case you hadn't noticed. Yeah, I had weird dreams about John Simm and underground airports last night, don't ask.

November was a bad month for me. I read only 9 books, and that's counting 2 manga. My page count totalled up to a measly 1817. Sad. I'll do better this month (did I say that about November? Hm..)

Best November Book: I'll have to go with How To Train Your Dragon by Cressida Cowell. I didn't really read any super amazing books this month, so this one wins easily.

Honorable Mention: Born of Ice by Sherrilyn Kenyon and Ouran High School Host Club Vol. 3 by Bisco Hatori. Yeah, so there's two honorable mentions, what are you going to do, sue me?

Worst November Book: Alexander The Great by John Gunther. A poorly written nonfiction book about, well, Alexander the Great.

Dishonorable Mention: There really isn't one. "Alexander" was the only book of November that I really didn't like. Whoohoo.

So there you have it, our best and worst of November. This weekend there'll be a new review and we'll return to our regularly scheduled Literary Heroines Who Don't Suck next week (maybe)!

--Persy

Persy -- Wednesday Scrolls - Literary Heroines Who Don't Suck, Other Arena

You know what I think this saga needs? A theme song. Maybe some Robert Kral? An epic intro would be epic. *cue awesome soundtrack*

We've had the lists. Fantasy. Urban Fantasy. Classic & History. Other.
We've had three shows in the Arena. Fantasy. Urban Fantasy. Classic & History. And now, for the conclusion. After this episode, we will be moving on into the next round, where the genres are mixed and the TRUE battle begins!

But anyway. Refresh your memory on the contestants, and then we'll get started!

Our first pair is... Frankie Landau-Banks (The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks, E. Lockhart) vs. Gratuity "Tip" Tucci (The True Meaning of Smekday, Adam Rex)!

Category One. Personality.

Frankie certainly wouldn't have gotten as far as she did if she didn't have personality. She's a mastermind in a teenage girl's body, taking control of an entire (secret) organization at her boarding school without anyone knowing. And she has flaws that she herself corrects (she's a mastermind after all). She learns to be her own bear instead of the bear (er, girl) others assume she should be.

Tip is very matter of fact. She has serious guts. I mean, it's not like she went on a road trip with only a cat and an alien while the world was being ruled by aliens, and it's certainly not like she saved the world or anything. And she did it all while being awesome!

Winner: Frankie. She's smart enough to turn any situation to her advantage, and Tip wasn't too concerned about the whole thing to begin with.

Category Two. Fight!

Frankie's power lays in her mind. She certainly couldn't beat you up (she's tiny), but she'd more than make up for it afterwards.

Tip is also tiny, but better at using it to her advantage. She's stealthy and quick on her feet.

Winner: Tip. They're evenly matched when it comes to actual fighting, but Tip has more experience and is more resourceful.

Category Three. "Kiss Me, You Fool!"

Frankie can't believe it when the hottest, and smartest, guy asks her out, the guy she's liked for years. But he does, and they get together, and she's really happy. Until she discovers his true personality (he's really annoying)!

Tip's like, twelve. It's refreshing that she has no love interest at all.

Winner: Frankie. While her actual boyfriend may be an idiot, she gets points because her relationship truly grows. Plus, Tip didn't have a thing to contribute.

Category Four. Friends.

Frankie's got one best friend, but even she doesn't know all of Frankie's secrets. She doesn't have a true best friend.

Tip has a cat and an alien. Oh yeah.

Winner: Tip. You really can't beat J.Lo the alien.

Category Five. Juggling.

Frankie's not too awesome at it at first, but she practices nonstop until she masters it. Estimated Time Spent Mastering: three days.

Tip gets the basics easily, but doesn't care enough to spend a ton of time mastering it. Estimated Time Spent Mastering: two weeks.

Winner: Frankie.

End Score! Frankie: 3 Tip: 2 Congratulations, Frankie! We'll be seeing you next time! Sorry, Tip, but you didn't care much in the first place, right?

And our second fighting pair is...Haruhi Fujioka (Ouran High School Host Club by Bisco Hatori) vs. Jasmine Callihan (Bad Kitty, Michele Jaffe)!

Category One. Personality.

Haruhi's strong, independant, and smart. She's not a feminist, but she doesn't see the point in distinguishing between males and females (no matter how many times she gets into situations where it would matter). She's always been poor and practically on her own, and it takes her a while to discover that sometimes you should ask for help.

Jasmine, while not poor, certainly has a hard life. Her father's a tyrant, won't let her study forensics (her dream), and abruptly moves them all to Italy whenever he feels like it. But this doesn't stop Jasmine from being totally awesome and totally hilarious. She's very smart, and probably the funniest main character ever.

Winner: Draw. Haruhi's good at arguing when she gets worked up, but Jasmine's easily distracted. Nevertheless, Jasmine keeps getting the upper hand with her humor and keeps on confusing Haruhi. They finally both get exhausted and leave.

Category Two. Fight!

Haruhi's pretty shrimpy, and the few times she's gotten into a fight (or slapped someone, rather), she mostly relied on the element of surprise. When she doesn't have that, she usually loses.

Jasmine's not quite coordinated enough to be good in a fight, but she knows enough about forensics to at least know what makes a good weapon.

Winner: Jasmine. Neither of them are very good, but Jasmine eventually wins.

Category Three. "Kiss Me, You Fool!"

Haruhi's got many love interests (it's shoujo manga, after all), but her main one is Tamaki. He's hilarious and doesn't really understand his feelings for Haruhi, but he tries everything to please and protect her.

Jasmine has her super awesome boyfriend Jack, who she's absolutely in love with. They're adorable together.

Winner: Haruhi. She spends more time with Tamaki than Jasmine does with Jack, so we get to know him better.

Category Four. Friends.

Haruhi has the entire Host Club, composed of an evil mastermind, two scheming twins, a strong and silent protecter, and deceptively cute martial artist. And Tamaki, of course.

Jasmine has her own band of merry men, including Polly the fashion expert (who always puts protection in her latest outfits), and the twins Roxy and Tom.

Winner: Haruhi. The Host Club just barely beats Jasmine's crew. Barely.

Category Five. Juggling.

Haruhi's not great at that sort of thing, but she's good at pretty much everything, so she picks it up quickly. Estimated Time Spent Mastering: One day (in the world of manga, it'd only take long enough for Mori to bribe her with fancy tuna).

Jasmine's a bit clumsy, so it takes her a while, but she's determined, so she gets it done! Estimated Time Spent Mastering: Almost a month.
Winner: Haruhi.

End Score! Haruhi: 3 Jasmine: 1 Draws: 1 Congrats, Haruhi! We all know you really wanted to move on to the next round! And I'm really sorry, Jas, but I was going to reread your book anyway.

And our last battle is... Audrey Cuttler (Audrey, Wait!, Robin Benway) vs. Shahara Dagan (Born of Fire, Sherrilyn Kenyon)!

Category One. Personality.

Audrey's snarky, grumpy, whiny, hilarious, and loves music. In a word, she's realistic. And yet, still likeable! Plus she has real character growth.

Shahara is a bit more 2D. She has layers, of course, with secret desires and thoughts and unexpectedness in general, but she's not the most unique crayon in the box.

Winner: Audrey. If they were crayons, she'd be Jazzberry Jam while Shahara would simply be Red.

Category Two. Fight!

Audrey would certainly punch you if you asked for it, but it's not her strong point.
Shahara, on the other hand, beats people up for a living.
Winner: Shahara, without a doubt.

Category Three. "Kiss Me, You Fool!"

Audrey's entire story is about her breakup with her ex-boyfriend, but amidst the chaos, she's discovering that her coworker actually has a personality, and is awesome.

Shahara falls for her latest mark, one of the worst criminals in the universe. Perhaps they're a cliché, but they do it well.

Winner: Shahara. She and Syn are just a bit awesomer than Audrey and James.

Category Four. Friends.

Audrey's best friend Victoria is certainly annoying, but she's also the one who practically smacks Audrey in the face and tells her to grow up (which is good).

Shahara's only real friends are her family, and they don't even really count.

Winner: Audrey. Victoria may be annoying, but she's still there and she still really cares about Audrey.

Category Five. Juggling.

It takes her more than a few times, but Audrey gets it pretty easily. Estimated Time Spent Mastering: one week.

Shahara expects it to be easy, but has more trouble than anticipated. She gets frustrated too easily. Estimated Time Spent Mastering: one month.

Winner: Audrey.

End Score! Audrey: 3 Shahara: 2 Congratulations, Audrey! You move on to the next round! Don't worry about it, Shahara, you can still beat her up.

Our Other finalists are: Frankie Landau-Banks, Haruhi Fujioka, and Audrey Cuttler! Next week we'll be moving on into the REAL battle, when the genres mix and the it gets truly dangerous!

--Persy

Wednesday Scrolls - Literary Heroines Who Don't Suck, Other Edition

We've gone over the big ones. Fantasy. Urban Fantasy. Classic & Historical. But what about scifi? What about chick lit? What about romances? What about those books you just can't find a genre for? What about THEM!!

Don't worry, I'm not ignoring them. All of the above fall into the lovely, broad genre of Other. As much as I love scifi, there just aren't a ton of heroines in science fiction literature. I don't read a lot of chick lit, and there are very few awesome heroines in chick lit anyway. And, well, the genre-less ones obviously go in Other. Here's a list of the awesomest ten heroines from the above-mentioned genres.

#10. Deryn Sharp from the Leviathan series by Scott Westerfeld. Steampunk. Okay, so the whole girl-dressed-as-a-boy has been done millions upon millions of times, and, honestly, lots of people are sick of it. However, when it's done well, I actually love it. This time, Scott Westerfeld pulls it off. Deryn Sharp pretends to be a boy to get into the British Air Force, where she proves to be a brilliant air(wo)man. She's kind of like Bloody Jack only steampunk, and not quite as witty. And the book itself (Leviathan)? Surprisingly awesome.

#9. Dulcie from Going Bovine by Libba Bray. Scifi/Fantasy. She's a punk angel, which sounds like a boring cliché but actually isn't, and she's a little sad but a little cheerful at the same time. Pretty cool, in other words. And the book itself? OMGSOAWESOME!

#8. Sammy Keyes from the Sammy Keyes series by Wendelin Van Draanen. Mystery. The young-girl-detective thing's been done many times as well, but never has it been so enjoyable. Sammy is awesome for all ages, not just ten-year-olds. She's smart and resourceful, everything a good detective should be. She just has a bit of bad luck from time to time. And the book itself (Sammy Keyes And The Hotel Thief)? Awesome.

#7. D.J. Schwenk from Dairy Queen by Catherine Gilbert Murdock. Chick Lit. She's funny, she's likeable, she's in an unfortunate situation, and she has character growth. A good main character is the only thing that will make it possible for me to actually like a coming-of-age/chick-lit/whatever book, and D.J. is very cool. And the book itself? Pretty awesome.

#6. Shahara Dagan from Born of Fire by Sherrilyn Kenyon. Scifi/Romance. Shahara is aweome because she's good at her job, but not much else. She often even seems like a complete idiot until you're reminded that she's never been a criminal before, only a policeman. Plus she's got a miserable past, and you know how I love those. And the book itself? Oh like you need me saying it again.

#5. Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran High School Host Club by Bisco Hatori. Manga. Everybody loves manga! Okay, not everyone, but everyone should. I mean, pictures! But anyway. Surrounded by rich airheads, Haruhi is sarcastic and surprisingly laid back, just kind of 'whatever-but-please-don't-touch-my-stuff'. Let's face it, I just love everyone from OHSHC (Haruhi's just the only girl). And the manga? OMGSOAWESOME!

#4. Audrey Cuttler from Audrey, Wait! by Robin Benway. Chick Lit. What were the qualities of a good chick lit heroine? Funny, likeable, unfortunate situation, and character growth? Well, Audrey's got all of those PLUS music! And the book itself? Absolutely hilarious.

#3. Gratuity "Tip" Tucci from The True Meaning Of Smekday by Adam Rex. Scifi. First of all, Tip is pretty much traveling across the world with an alien named J.Lo in a worled pretty much controled by aliens. Yes, that beeping noise is the awesome-o-meter warning you that it is about to explode. Tip not only navigates the cold cruel world by herself (she's like, twelve, by the way), but even saves the cold cruel world. And the book itself? OMGSOAWESOME!!

#2. Frankie Landau-Banks from The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks by E. Lockhart. Chick lit? When Frankie realizes how her new boyfriend looks down on her and doesn't expect or want her to be smarter than him, she decides to prove him wrong. She turns out to be a freakin' genius. And just...well...awesome. And the book itself? Oh go read it for goodness sake!
#1. Jasmine Callihan from Bad Kitty by Michele Jaffe. Forensics. Cats. Fashion. Hilarity. Ooh yes. Jasmine has got to be the. funniest. main character. ever. This is one of the few books that makes me laugh out loud, and yet the mystery is still intriquing and fun to figure out on your own. Jasmine is just epic. And the book itself? Absolutely HILARIOUS.

So there you are.

This concludes the Literary Heroines Who Don't Suck Saga. Should they battle it out to see who is the queen of heroines? I think they should. TO THE ARENA!!!

...Next week.

--Persy

Wednesday Scrolls - Best and Worst of September, 2011

Persy's September Literature

We're taking a break from the Literary Heroines Who Don't Suck saga to have a little review of September of 2011. Arty and I will be bringing the best -- and worst -- books of the month, and some impressive numbers of pages and books.

In September of 2011, I read 15 books (which is including 4 manga and 1 graphic novel) and 4,053 pages. Not my best, but certainly not my worst.

Best September Book: I'm honestly going to have to go with Courtney Crumrin's Monstrous Holiday, story and art by Ted Naifeh. This is the fourth installment in the Courtney Crumrin saga, and my favorite Crumrin so far.

Honorable Mention(s): Holes, Louis Sachar; Born of Fire, Sherrilyn Kenyon. [We're only supposed to have one honorable mention, so shhh! Don't tell Arty I cheated]

Worst September Book: The Forensic Science of CSI, Katherine Ramsland. This woman can't write, I'm sorry. In this nonfiction book about the real science of real crime scene investigators, Dr. Ramsland fails to mention the many, many differences between the show and real life. I didn't even finish this book.

Dishonorable Mention: Heart Of Stone, C.E. Murphy. Didn't finish this one either.

--Persy

Arty here. In September 2011, I read 23 books, including three manga, and... well, I don't keep up with page number. So I dunno that.

Best September Book: September was a bit of a blah month, so my books had to be supported by some seriously good Shakespeare. Much Ado About Nothing was definitely the best thing about September, and one of my favorite Shakespeares so far. As I mentioned on Facebook, Romeo and Juliet only wish they were as cool as Beatrice and Benedick.

Honorable Mention(s): I squeezed in two How To Train Your Dragon books, the fifth and sixth: How To Twist A Dragon's Tale and A Hero's Guide to Deadly Dragons. Hiccup and Toothless are always awesome.

Worst September Book: Wings, by Aprilynne Pike. One of the worst books I have ever read. Period. Read the review.

Dishonorable Mentions(s): I Am Number Four, by Pittacus Lore. Sorry, couldn't agree with Persy's good review. And Uncle Tom's Cabin, by Harriet Beecher Stowe. ...And Reckless by Cornelia Funke. [Like I said, September was a blah month. Don't tell Persy I did three!]

Arty

Persy -- Born Of Fire by Sherrilyn Kenyon

If you're familiar with my reading preferences, you know about my six absolute favorite authors. I will buy and read anything by these six authors and so far, I have failed to really dislike a single book by any of them. Sure, a few haven't been up to the standards, but they were still good. One of these authors is Sherrilyn Kenyon.

Okay, so maybe she shouldn't be lopped in with my six favorite authors (who I may unveil in the future for those of you who don't know) since I've only read three of her many, many books, but I love those three books so much that I'm willing to take a chance, and say that Miss Kenyon is a favorite.

Last year I reviewed Born Of Night, the first book in Miss Kenyon's League series. Born of Fire is the second book, and is about one of the more minor characters in 'Night', C.I. Syn, a bloodthirsty, alcoholic filch (hacker). Well, he's not that bloodthirsty. Or at least, not as bloodthirsty as they all say. He'd rather drink some Tondarion A-Grade Hellfire (you know I'm obsessed when I know the names of all the alcoholic drinks in a book) than anyone's blood. I mean, ew.

Anyway, back to the book.

Shahara Dagan is a Seax, sort of like a cross between a bounty hunter and police officer. Seaxes are bound to uphold the law and keep their honor, and they do this by signing contracts for specific criminals. Shahara is the best of the best, the only one to pass the Seax test in the last generation. But despite being an amazing Seax, she comes from a poorer than dirt family, with a younger sister with a gambling problem. When Tessa gets into trouble again, Shahara must come up with some money fast, not only to pay of her sister's debts, but to pay the hospital. And the only contract that'll pay enough is Syn's, so Shahara goes after one of the scariest criminals known to the Ichidian universe.

But what she doesn't know is that Syn is Caillen Dagan's best friend. Shahara's brother's best friend. They didn't tell Shahara because they knew she'd throw a hissy fit because hey, she is a police officer.

It gets even more interesting when it's revealed that many years ago, Syn discovered evidence of a dangerous secret, and now "they" have found out where he is. Before she can properly sort everything out, Shahara finds herself signed up to trick Syn into leading her to the evidence, betraying him in the end. But as she gets to know C.I. Syn, she discovers that he may not be the villainous criminal she's always heard about...

Unless of course, he steals her heart!

Sorry, couldn't resist. *suitably ashamed*

I recently read this book for the second time, and to my surprise, it was almost just as good as the first time through. When I reread "Night", I found lots of things that bothered me a little, but it looks like Miss Kenyon's writing gets better and better. True, it's a bit heavy on the love-at-first-sight-oh-my-stars-she's-the-most-beautiful-woman-I've-ever-seen-why-am-I-so-attracted-to-her thing, but that's okay. Syn and Shahara are still some of my favorite characters, and Shahara is stupid in all the right ways. As in, she doesn't really know what she's doing half the time because she hasn't done it before, but she picks up fast enough. The only thing that bothers me about her is that she seems to have some deep-rooted fear of everything. Heights, tight spaces, men. I mean, seriously, girl, get a grip. One phobia is enough, two is pushing it.

My favorite part of Sherrilyn Kenyon's writing is how unafraid she is to seriously beat up her characters. Almost all of them have some of the worst pasts you can imagine, which makes the Ichidian Universe a seriously miserable place. You start wondering how it could get any worse, and booyah, you find out. Just once, I'd like to meet a Sherrilyn Kenyon character who had a happy childhood. Thinking, thinking...no, can't think of one.

Another thing I like about Sherrilyn Kenyon is her website. Best author website. Ever. It gives you the reading order for all her books (very nice), character bios (nice), and book playlists! I LOVE playlists! And Miss Kenyon obviously has very nice taste in music (except that Bauhaus song. That was just painful).

Okay, so maybe this isn't much of a review, it's more of me gushing about Sherrilyn Kenyon, but I'll just sum it up real quick in a cheatsheat: If you like romances but aren't afraid of gore, horror, and various other R-rated scenes, this is the book for you! And if you like lots of action and science fiction atmosphere and can take lots of romance, this is still the book for you! But if you don't like any of the above-mentioned things, don't even touch it.

--Persy

Persy -- Wednesday Scrolls -- Hate List

Sometimes, there are characters that you just hate. I'm not talking about the evil villains, or the annoying main character, or the weird girl character that exists for no reason (though a few of those are just terrible). I'm talking about those characters, be they good, bad, male, or female, that you just hate and want to die. Don't tell me you've never come across a few of those.

Now I'm not saying the writer did a bad job of creating these characters. Sometimes, you're supposed to hate them, so the author did a brilliant writing job. Go writer.

Other times, they do it accidentally.

So I've composed a list of twelve of the characters I just cannot stand just for your enlightenment, and the books that contain them. We'll work our way up to the worst of the worst.

#12. Alan Ryves from The Demon's Lexicon by Sarah Rees Brennan.

You probably know my opinion on this book already, since I did a review (http://persyandarty.blogspot.com/2011/05/persy-demons-lexicon-by-sarah-rees.html) of it back in May. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with this book, but most of the hate finally settled on this character. He's the brother of the MC, Nick, and seems the epitome of niceness. Makes you want to punch him. Especially at the end. Ugh.

#11. Sabine Campbell from My Soul To Steal by Rachel Vincent, fourth book in the Soul Screamers series.

This character you're probably supposed to hate, so I don't really blame her. But I still can't stand her. She's the ex-girlfriend of the MC's boyfriend who just pops up out of nowhere and starts being a total *cough*witch*cough*. I do not recommend reading this far into the series unless the fifth one ends up being a total gem and you have to connect the dots.

#10. Nash Hudson from My Soul To Steal by Rachel Vincent, fourth book in the Soul Screamers series.

This is said boyfriend, who starts being a total idiot at the end of the third book, and finally just gets there in the fourth. I seriously want to just punch him in the stomach.

#9. Homburg Molly from Seeing Redd by Frank Beddor.

She has almost no reason to exist, except for being the cause of all the trouble and the link between Hatter Madigan (awesome) and Weaver (not so awesome). Just plain annoying.

#8. St. John Rivers from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I can't stand this guy. He's so...gaaah. *shivers* Creepy? Irksome? Awkward?

#7. Muriel Hardwicke from A Countess Below Stairs by Eva Ibbotson.

This character is the bad guy of the book, so I actually feel rather good about hating her guts (and I always award Eva Ibbotson points for this character). She's just evil. Check out the full review (http://persyandarty.blogspot.com/2011/01/persy-countess-below-stairs-by-eva.html) I did way back in January.

#6. Ridley Duchannes from Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl.

I also don't feel bad about hating this character either, since she's pretty much an evil witch (and I mean that literally). She slinks around with her evil powers and smirks and NO ONE EVER DOES ANYTHING! That's REALLY what I hate, is that nobody ever just caved her face in. You can read the full review of Beautiful Creatures here (http://persyandarty.blogspot.com/2011/03/persy-beautiful-creatures-by-kami.html)

#5. Ever Bloom from Evermore by Alyson Noel.

Oh my stars, this book sucks. Lots of it is because of the MC, Ever. Ugh. That's all there is to say.

#4. Lilith Llewelyn from Rampant by Diana Peterfreund.

Lilith actually isn't in the book much, but she's frickin' annoying even when she's not. She's the evil mother of the MC (though she's not actually evil which is partly why I hate her so much). I did a full review of this book a loong time ago (http://persyandarty.blogspot.com/2010/05/persy-rampant-by-diana-peterfreund.html) if you want to check it out.

#3. Esmerelda from The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo.

Airhead. And everyone loves her so much. Sure, maybe she can dance and maybe she's drop dead gorgeous, but there ain't nothin' goin' on behind those purty eyes.

#2. Melissa from Midnighters by Scott Westerfeld.

Now I have to tread carefully here, because I don't entirely remember what this character's name was. I could've sworn she was Tara, but I might've been getting her confused with a different mind-reading character. But I did my best to pinpoint what her name actually is, and I'm pretty sure it's Melissa. And I didn't hate her guts until the second or third book (again, I can't remember), when she just became awful. I stopped reading almost immediately and have never gone back and started again, though I'm considering it. Don't know if I can face her again, though...

#1. Ophelia "Oh" James from Thirteen Days To Midnight by Patrick Carman.

And this is her. The queen of awful chars. The mother of all evil. The one person I might kill without regretting it later. She's one of the three MCs, and the girlfriend of the main MC, Jacob. She's reckless, bossy, sly, and a know-it-all tough girl. At the end, you find that there's a good reason she's that way, but that doesn't make her any less annoying. I hated her from the beginning, and I hated her to the very end.

So there you go, a list of the twelve chars I can. not. stand. Woe to the characters that add on to this list in the future.

What about you? What characters do you want to stab repeatedly with a fork and then throw over the edge of a cliff into shark-infested waters?

--Persy

Arty -- Enthusiasm by Polly Shulman

Julia is the unfortunate best friend of an Enthusiast. Ashleigh's crazes never last long, but while they do, Ashleigh has to pursue everything remotely related to the current one - and she drags Julie along with her.

Julie tries not to complain. After all, if not for Ashleigh, where would she have learned candy-making? But now Ashleigh's craze is also Julie's - Jane Austen. After reading Pride and Prejudice at Julie's request, Ashleigh is determined to meet her Mr. Darcy. And she has a plan to do it - crash a 'ball' an all-boy prep school, of course.

While they're there, it's Julie who thinks she's found Mr. Darcy - handsome kendo expert Grandison Parr. There's just one problem: Ashleigh's fallen for Parr too. Forgot stealing Julie's favorite books - is her Enthusiast friend going to steal her guy too?

This is definitely chick lit. I had no illusions about that. But this is Jane Austen chick lit, so that makes it all a whole lot better.

For one thing, not every waking moment is panicking about Parr or any of the other guys. Julie is an intelligent, mature girl, and her decisions concerning Ashleigh's and Parr's 'romance' is really selfless. At first I was afraid it'd turn into a he-doesn't-like-me-so-I'll-be-miserable sort of situation, but it didn't. You could say Enthusiasm is more of a friendship story than a romance, with the way both Julie and Ashleigh gave up certain things to make the other happy.

I also really enjoyed the way Shulman didn't make Parr perfect. Not that he wasn't darn close, but he read like a real guy - kind of awkward at first, unsure of himself.

Enthusiasm wasn't perfect. Readers of Pride and Prejudice will recognize some definite characters and plot twists, but those parts just weren't executed as well as Shulman's original parts. It felt like she was trying too hard - the trip to New York (mirroring the trip Elizabeth Bennet took with her aunt and uncle) was practically tossed into the book for good measure; Chris, the Wickham figure, had very little real value to the plot; and Seth's position of Mr. Collins was more than a little awkward.

Enthusiasm had a great beginning, but towards the end, everything just fell apart. It felt much more like any other chick lit novel than a witty Jane Austenian take-off. I can understand how pulling off an ending like Jane Austen would be difficult, but it seems like Shulman barely even tried.

So if you're a fan of friendship/romance novels, Jane Austen, or if you just need a quick read for the beach, without thinking too hard, Enthusiasm is the perfect book for you.

Arty -- Solitary by Travis Thrasher

Chris Buckley's family has just gone through a painful divorce. Now, he and his mother move to her old hometown of Solitary, North Carolina. As it turns out, Solitary is as creepy as its name suggests - packed with more dark secrets and mysteries as a sixteen-year-old should be able to handle.

But what really gets Chris's attention is Jocelyn Evans - the most beautiful girl in his school. She also happens to be the most troubled girl in his school. Of course, Chris falls head over heels for her. Jocelyn resists at every turn - still, they can't help being drawn together. But when Chris tries to uncover the darkness in Jocelyn's life - when he tries to help her - he only ends up deeper than ever in Solitary's tangled mass of twisted secrets.

So this is what it feels like to read a cliché done beautifully, horribly right.

Because I'm a character person, I have to mention the characters first. Chris was adorable. At once naive and mature, the kind of guy who doesn't like to be told what to do but will do anything for someone he loves, he came off perfectly. Not perfect, but perfectly. Jocelyn was amazing too - no annoying, empty-headed heroines here. I could totally see why Chris fell in love with her.

That's another thing - this was basically a love story, put in a suspense/horror novel sheath. But it wasn't shallow, saccharine romance. It was actually about Chris and Jocelyn becoming friends, building trust, and taking care of each other. Very, very effective.

As were the actual suspense and horror sections. Thrasher writes in first-person present-tense, and I've rarely seen someone handle it better. It's like you're stationed in Chris's head, watching everything with his eyes. You know how he ticks. You know what he'll do. And all the while you're screaming Don't do it, Chris!!

The mental-journal approach sometimes gets a little obvious - Thrasher has a love for one-sentence paragraphs.

It gets annoying.

Sometimes it's cool.

But sometimes, not so much.

(Sorry.)

Thrasher also has a tendency to put in small plotlines and then abandon them completely for chapters at a time. You get a sense that he's just tossing them into the mix for the fun of it. I hope they'll make a difference in the rest of The Solitary Tales. Time will tell.

While not as disturbing as Unwind, perhaps, Solitary can get seriously creepy. And emotional. And if you don't gasp and reread the climax and maybe shed a few tears, you have no soul. So, definitely, get the book. And the next, called Gravestone (can it get better than that?), which comes out June 11.

Persy -- A Countess Below Stairs by Eva Ibbotson

World War I has just ended and the Russian country is in chaos. The Grazinsky family of counts and countesses escape to England, where Anna insists on getting a job as a maid, despite her Governess's strong opinion that countesses should not go under stairs.

Anna gets a job at Mersham, home to the Earl of Westerholme, Rupert Westerholme. There, everyone is just beginning the preparations for the Earl's wedding to a young lady named Muriel Hardwicke.

Everyone's first impression of Muriel is wonderful. She's a beautiful young woman with seemingly lovely manners, not to mention she saved Rupert's life when she was a nurse during the war. But it rapidly becomes obvious that Muriel is not as pleasant as she seems, and she has many changes in store for Mersham.

And while all that is happening, Rupert not only discovers Anna's true identity as a Russian Countess, but also begins to fall in love with her, and she with him.

You might remember my review of A Company of Swans, also by Ibbotson, back in November. I raved and raved, because I loved the book SO MUCH. Well, this one's going to get a rave too. Just warning you.

Eva Ibbotson can do what very, very few authors can: she brings out my inner hopeless romantic. "Countess" had me glued to the pages, urging Rupert and Anna on and cursing the vile name of Muriel. Rupert and Anna were both awesome, and they weren't the only ones. Mr. Proom, the butler of Mersham, became my hero, and Tom Byrne is really cool and The Honourable Ollie is just adorable.

And let's not forget the villain. Muriel roused up my loathing gradually, just like she did for the other characters in the story. At first, she seems rather nice, if a little arrogant. But then as you read more, you really start to despise her. She's pure evil in blonde curls and silk.

I'm starting to get the feel of Eva Ibbotson's romance novels. She sets up two characters who shouldn't be able to end up together, then has them fall in love. Sometimes it starts to look like a happy ending, and sometimes it doesn't, but at some point before the ending it all really goes to pieces and the two main chars are on virtually opposite ends of the earth feeling incredibly miserable. But don't go thinking all her books are the same plot and characters with different names; they're not. A Company of Swans and A Countess Below Stairs are similar enough in that they're both historical fiction, romances, and totally awesome, but aside from that they're two separate stories.

I've heard not all of Ibbotson's stuff is that great, though. I've only read three of her books, and so far it looks like either her teen fiction or her historical fiction is what she really excels at her. Her normal fantasy is sometimes pretty good, but I know Arty hates one of her novels (one I haven't read). She's written quite a lot, and I'm working my way through it all. Unfortunately, she died last year. I'm going to be even sadder when I get to her last book.

--Persy

Persy -- Let It Snow

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope everyone had a wonderful day (it's SNOWING where I live! Snow on Christmas is a miracle at my locale)!

Let It Snow is a Christmas anthology containing three stories by John Green (Paper Towns, An Abundance of Katherines), Maureen Johnson (Devilish, Key To The Golden Firebird), and Lauren Myracle (TTYL, Twelve). I originally read it in the Summer of last year, because I was reading all of Maureen Johnson's work (that woman is amazing) and I'd finished all her actual books. So this Christmas I decided to actually read it on Christmas.

Maureen Johnson's story, The Jubilee Express, is first. Jubilee (yes, she knows her name is strange, and no, she's not a stripper) was all set on going to her boyfriend Noah's Christmas smorgasborg, but then her parents get arrested (long story), so she's put on a train to Florida to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with her grandparents. But the train doesn't make it because of the snow storm, and Jubilee finds herself stranded at a Waffle House in a small town called Gracetown. In the Waffle House, she meets Stuart, who invites her home so she won't have to spend Christmas in a Waffle House with a gazillion cheerleaders (also long story). Hijinks ensue, and Jubilee wonders if she'll get a Merry Christmas after all.

Next is John Green's A Cheertastic Christmas Miracle, in which Tobin's parents are stuck in Boston because they can't get a flight home. Tobin is all ready to spend his Christmas Eve having a James Bond marathon with two of his best friends, JP and the Duke (who is actually a girl). But then their other friend calls and tells them about all the cheerleaders in the Waffle House, and it becomes a mad race to get there with a crucial game of twister. A hilarious struggle ensues, during which Tobin realizes something about the Duke and the Duke gets more than just hash browns.

And last, but not least, comes Lauren Myracle's story, The Patron Saint of Pigs. Addie broke up with her boyfriend, Jeb, just a week ago, so her Christmas isn't going very well (she gets her hair chopped off and dyes it pink, for starters). While having a fight with her two friends (who both tactfully hint that Addie might be a bit self-centered), she promises to pick up her friend's new pet pig from the pet store the day after Christmas. But things start happening, and Addie forgets until it's almost too late, and the pig has disappeared. Does she really always make it about herself? Addie starts to have a Christmas epiphany...

Maureen Johnson's was, naturally, my favorite story (she's one of my favorite authors for a reason). Then, following the chronological order, I liked John Green's, and finally Lauren Myracle's. But what makes this anthology really great is how all three stories are connected. They all happen in the same place (Gracetown), and they're all the result of the train wreck.

Admittedly, it's a bit late for you to read this around Christmas, but it's still good no matter what time of year you read it. It's a lot of fun, the characters are smart and developed, and each story could stand by itself (though being together makes them even better). Whether it's Christmas or not, these are great stories.

Merry Christmas!

-Persy

P.S. I CANNOT get over the snow!

Persy -- A Company of Swans by Eva Ibbotson

Ballerinas sailing down the amazon in the year 1912. Do I have your attention?

Meet Harriet Morton, daughter of a strict an intolerant professor who is strongly against female students. And that wouldn't be that bad for Harriet, since she isn't greatly interested in school, but when she is invited to go on a ballet tour of South America, her father bans her from her ballet lessons. Harriet has never fought her father for anything, but she does for this. If she stays, she will most likely be forced to marry the very uninteresting Edward Finch-Dutton.

Harriet is sure that she will never be able to go on the tour, but her mind changes when she meets young Henry St. John Verney-Brandon, who tells her all about "The Boy" who left many years ago and went to travel the Amazon. The strange coincidence makes Harriet even more determined to go on the tour, especially after promising young Henry that she will try and find "The Boy".

So Harriet cooks up a little scheme and runs away from home, leaving her guardians thinking she is off visiting a respectable friend. She joins the the ballet company, and off they go to Manaus, South America.

Through various happenstances, Harriet meets Rom Verney, a wealthy Englishman living in Manaus. She soon confirms that he is "The Boy". They also soon fall in love. But alas, things are not so simple. In fact, things get so complicated that I'm not going to put it all down here, because I really don't know where to start. Suffice to say that Edward Finch-Dutton comes after Harriet while other people come after Rom. There are misunderstandings and wrong assumptions, and everything goes to pieces in the end (or does it?).

Now, you all know I'm a dancer (or, you do now), so perhaps this book appeals to me more than the average reader. But despite any prejudices I might have, this book is AWESOME. It's much more of a romance than I was expecting (never judge a book by its back summary), but I wouldn't classify it as a romance novel. Besides, Rom is awesome and Harriet isn't all that bad. Generally, I strongly dislike at least one of the main characters in most books (especially romance novels), but these characters were great.

The story also was quite well down, full of plot twists and even a few surprises I didn't see coming. Like I said before though, some of it gets a little complicated and you have to be paying attention in order to fully understand everything.

So if you're a dancer, a romance-reader, a historical-reader, or a character-reader, go find this book. I breathe a happy little sigh every time I think about it, and it's on my "Buy ASAP" list. I mean really, how can you go wrong with ballerinas in South America during 1912?

-Persy

Persy -- Dead End Dating by Kimberly Raye

Lil Marchette is not your average vampire. She doesn't like black (she's a pink kind of girl), and she's one of the biggest believers in love.

All born vampires are looking for in a mate is how well they'll be able to produce children. Lil, however, believes that everyone deserves an eternity mate that they love. So she starts her own dating service (against her family's wishes) called Dead End Dating, open to clients of all kinds (born vampires, made vampires, humans, werekind...).

But then Ty Conner, a made vampire and a bounty hunter, turns up and tells her about a serial killer/kidnapper who seems to go through singles ads and dating services. Lil agrees to help Ty in keeping a lookout for the killer/kidnapper.

I originally got this book because it kind of resembles Maryjanice Davidson's Queen Betsy series, which, while not the most serious and interesting vampire series, is pretty darn hilarious. The Dead End Dating series has similarly drawn covers, and the titles are even alike. But Dead End Dating isn't nearly as good.

In the beginning, Lil was just plain annoying. She's a perky, ditzy vampire (which is pretty close to Betsy from Queen Betsy, but Betsy wasn't quite as bad) who reminded me of shallow teenage girls. But after a little while I got used to her and she wasn't so bad. She ends up being almost cute with her firm beliefs in L-O-V-E and determination to not be the stereotypical vampire woman.

But Ty Conner is definitely a cliché. Boots, long black coat, rugged good looks, lack of a real personality. Kimberly Raye doesn't seem to really dig deep into her characters, so they're all rather flat and one-layered. And I love characters with toons of depth, so this bugged me a little.

It certainly wasn't a bad book, and I do plan on reading at least the next book (mostly just out of curiosity), but if you want a funny adult vampire series, I'd definitely point you towards Queen Betsy instead. And if you want a serious series, I definitely wouldn't even mention Dead End Dating (though the pink cover probably should've hinted at that).

-Persy

Note: this is an adult book and contains adult content, such as language and a few 'graphic' love scenes.