Monday, January 9, 2012

Persy -- Bitten by Kelley Armstrong

Let me just warn you. I'm about to start another senseless rant. I'll probably swear some. And shout. Possibly mention a few unrelated things.

"Elena Michaels seems like the typically strong and sexy modern woman." Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the back of books? They're usually ridiculous, which is why I don't apy attention to them most of the time. I briefly decided to go into book designing to make the covers less misleading, because it got so freakin' annoying.

Elena Michaels is the typical adult urban fantasy heroine. Whining about being a werewolf. Whine whine whine whine WHINE WHINE WHINE SHUT UP ALREADY!!

Ahem. Anyway. Elena, the only female werewolf in the world (in the WORLD!), leaves her pack and goes off to live a 'human' life, which apparently means getting a nice boyfriend and a job and being in general a very nice and boring woman.

I'm briefly going to take another detour and mention that Elena's image of 'normal' is the image I most hate. She seems to think that if she wears the right clothes and says the right things and acts the right way, she'll be normal and acceptable and good. I hate this. Looking a certain way does not make you a good person, and acting one way when you're really completely different doesn't make you that person either. If you want to actually be a good person, try and make yourself a better person.

Back to the book. Elena gives us some totally interesting flashbacks for about a two hundred pages or so, detailing her tragic history of abuse and foster parents (reeeal interesting stuff, let me tell you) and the entire histories of everyone else in her Pack before we finally get around to anything plot-related. Basically, some rogue werewolves are prowling around causing a ruckus, and it takes over 400 pages to do ANYTHING about it.

Instead of focusing on this problem, Kelley Armstrong decided to have Elena snuggling up and being all lovey-dovey with Clay, who is Elena's ex-fiancé and the one who turned her into a werewolf. So even though Elena's always declaring how much she hates his guts, she pretty much jumps into bed with him as soon as she returns to the pack to help deal with the rogue werewolves. And the whole time, she's barely remembering her boyfriend back in Toronto, where she lives her 'human' life. And then, whenever Clay tries to get serious about getting back together with her, she shouts her freakin' head off and won't listen to a word he says because he's "sooooo evil". I really hate her guts.

...Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh I really reall REALLY hate her guts.

So near the end at the big climactic whatever, when Clay's been kidnapped and might die, Elena freaks out completely, but keeps telling everyone it's not because she loves him, she just knows how important Clay is to the Pack. But THEN, when she's frantically trying to free Clay before they're both murdered, she has this inspirational moment that goes like this...

"As I met his eyes, I knew how wrong I'd been. I didn't come back here for Jeremy or the Pack. I came to get him back for me. Because I loved him, loved him so much I'd risk everything for the faintest hope of saving him. Even now, as I realized he was right, that there wasn't time to get him out, I knew I wouldn't leave him there. I'd rather die."

Then die already, you stupid woman.

And there was obviously time to get him out, because you got him out pretty easily and lived happily ever after.

And another thing I can't stand about Kelley Armstrong's writing is that it takes her FOREVER to say anything! Her paragraphs are HUGE and pretty much say the same thing OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again!

*bangs head against wall some more, moans* Whyyyyyy can't people write good urban fantasy heroines...

Okay, enough about that $&!%. On a completely unrelated note, I have yet another blog for you guys to check out. Persy's Map Of Anime isn't really a blog, more just a place where I'll be posting links for anime whenever I have the time, because it can get really difficult to find good places for anime.

On another unrelated, I GOT SOME AWESOME SHOES. Be jealous. I'll be putting pictures on my blog Practicing Procrastination at some point, because these shoes are just so awesome. Seriously.

Be very jealous.


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