Friday, December 23, 2011

Persy -- The Iron King by Julie Kagawa -- Proper Review

Since my earlier review was hardly sensible and fair, I've decided to give it another go and see if I can actually say something about the book itself. Or at least, something about the 86 pages I read.

The first few paragraphs or so weren't so bad. But the fifth time Meghan said something along the lines of "Gosh, why can't my mom get a decent insert-random-piece-of-crap-here", I began to get homocidal urges.

Meghan is such a brat. Sure, you can be miserable, after all, your father disappeared ten years ago, your mom moved you out to some tiny little town in Kentucky (or somewhere), and you now have a stepfather and stepbrother, but that doesn't mean we're going to let you complain about your jeans, having no cell phone, having no decent computer, not having your learner's permit yet, thinking that your mom forgot your birthday (which she didn't, she was just planning a surprise), or the fact that the hottest guy in school doesn't know you exist. These are all ridiculously minor problems.

For one thing, first you complain about how your mom can't find the money to buy you a decent pair of jeans. Then you're complaining about how your mom is so much prettier than you, and how you're more of the cargo-pants-and-tee kind of girl. So you do like cargo pants?

And chillax girl, your only fifteen. Oh yeah, you turned sixteen on your birthday. So you're sixteen. Whatever, chillax. You don't have any friends anyway, what do you need a cell phone for? And you seem to think that having your learner's permit will permit you (permit, heheheh) to go wherever you want, but there are several problems with this. One, you don't have a car. Two, you'd have to buy gas to put in the car.

And then you get ecstatic about tutoring Mr-Hot-Football-Player? Seriously? S-H-A-L-L-O-W. And THEN, after some mischievous pixie or whatever plays a joke on Mr-Hot-Football-Player, and Mr.-Hot-Football-Player blames you, you still SERIOUSLY believe that Mr.-Hot-Football-Player is asking you out because he likes you? You're such an idiot, Meghan. You deserved the payback Mr.-Hot-Football-Player threw in your face.

I understand that these are very minor plot points, more to just rouse up sympathy for the main character (not working) than being actual problems in the book. But they are still super duper annoying.
So after we get through all that "setting-the-scene" crap, Meghan finally discovers faeries. First off, her six-year-old stepbrother Ethan (who is awesome) gets swapped with a faerie changeling who tries to eat Meghan's leg, and then she discovers that her best friend Robbie is, in fact, Robin Goodfellow, AKA Puck. So she spends multiple pages denying everything and moaning and being annoying.

When she finally decides to go with the faerie thing, she and Puck go into the Nevernever, the world of faeries and fey. There, Meghan once again proves her stupidity by following "Ethan" deep into the woods and almost gets eaten by a kelpie. Rule #1 of faerie lands: if someone you love randomly appears and then runs off into the woods waiting for you to follow, DON'T FOLLOW. Geez.

And that's when I stopped. I flipped through the rest of the book, and it looks like it's mostly composed of Puck fighting with the Iron Prince, Ash (who's apparently shockingly beautiful, omglolz), because they have a "history", and at some point the entire future of the world is thrust upon Meghan's shoulders and she has to go off and fight some person and save the world. Presumably she does, because there's several sequels that seem to be about Meghan and her forbidden love with...someone. Ash, probably. He seems the type.
So there you are, an in-depth rant about The Iron King. Once again I'm having a bad day (computer virus. persistent little *#!%$.), but I've managed to keep my anger away from this review, so this is (hopefully) more on topic than my rant the other day.

Merry Christmas (I'm so enthusiastic).


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