Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Persy -- Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind

Richard Cypher leads a simple life as a woodsman-guide-trailblazer-whatever person. Until the day a beautiful young woman named Kahlan shows up in his forest, bringing with her a boatload of trouble.
Secrets are unveiled. Richard discovers that he has a destiny as the Seeker, and he is given the Sword of Truth. It is now his job to defeat the evil tyrant Darken Rahl who has taken over Kahlan's homeland, and will soon move on to Richard's. He is accompanied by Kahlan and the old cloud reader Zedd.
You'd think there'd be more to say about an 800-page novel, but there really isn't.
If you've had to be around me over Christmas break, you'll know that Wizard's First Rule is a bit infamous. It took stinking forever to read. Oh my gosh, the only reason I was so determined to finish it was so that I could say I had read the whole darn thing and so I could write a legitimate review of it. Although let's face it, this will probably be more of a rant. Sorry.
The writing is dull. Oh my gosh it's dull. Terry Goodkind maybe could've gotten away with it four a 200-page book, but not an epic fantasy. Oh my GOSH. And the characters? So flat. Uuuuuugh flatness and dullness married and produced THIS.
Terry Goodkind also seems to have some kind of fascination with gore. There are random fightscenes that are basically excuses for him to talk about entrails and guts spewing across the floor in pools of blood. Basically.
The only enjoyable things in this entire book are Zedd and Denna and Scarlet. In fact, the thing that makes this book a real pain is Kahlan. If she weren't in the book, the whole thing might be tolerable. Near the end, there are sections with just Richard and Denna or just Richard and Scarlet, and I actually really enjoyed those parts. But then Kahlan would come back, and it would all go downhill into drama. The parts with Zedd, Denna, and Scarlet are not worth it.
This review's a little...well, lackluster. But let's just say I'm out of practice (haven't written a review in a loooong time) and I read this book a long time ago and don't really want to delve back into it even if it's just to refresh my memory. Yikesies.

ps. I'm thinking Arty and I may have to have a Book Arena about Wicked Lovely, because I actually like that book.
You might like this if you: enjoy dull, flat, long, epic fantasy novels; like to make fun of things and need something new to make fun of; have a fondness for dramatic whiny heroines trapped in forbidden love; or if you have a dark secret, meet a strange woman in a forest, AND know a strange cloud-reader.